Raising children with special needs can be as challenging as you might imagine it to be. You’ve seen us from time to time. We’re the ones walking past you with the scratched arms from frustrated pinching. You’ve seen us lifting our child out of the car and gently placing them onto their wheelchair. You’ve seen us leave an entire cart of groceries in the middle of the isle because our child was about to have a major meltdown. You’ve watched us chase our kid down the street after they've masterfully escaped from our home. Maybe, you were the neighbor who brought them home to us when we thought he or she was sleeping soundly in their bed! Perhaps you’ve spotted us sitting in our car alone crying or just taking a moment of nothing eventful to ourselves. You may have wondered, “How do they do it?”
First, the unyielding force behind our ability to push forward comes from our unconditional love for our children. That’s one obvious answer, right? The other answer is different for everyone. Support systems look different in every household and there is no family dynamic better than another. For me, my strength and sanity comes from my husband. Kirk and I have been married for six years, we’ve been together for eight. We are a blended family as he is Jamaican and I’m Puerto Rican. He has a wonderful son named Tiki (11) and I have my handsome son Richie (15) and beautiful daughter Samantha (27). Yes, there is great music, food and vibes in our home every day – almost!
Life can sometimes be overwhelming when raising a family that includes a special needs child. If you’re anything like me, you’re trying to hold down contractual work – oh, and you can only work from home because there aren’t a lot of hands going up or caregivers to look after your child (they don’t know the wonder of him or her). You work hard to keep your business site alive with new content and resources, work on several projects, keep the house neat, cook dinner, keep all doctors’ appointments in order for the family, keep up with behavior and IEP plans and the kids chore charts, work on updating picture books and other ways to help facilitate communication... I’m sure I can go on, but if you look like me, you slept in the t-shirt you’re wearing while reading this – after dropping your child off at ESY (Extended School Year) classes! I’ve got a baseball cap on because I’m not sleeping well and my hair is a mess. But when I woke up this morning, my husband kissed me on the forehead and said, “Good morning beautiful.” He does this every morning. He is the greatest liar, but I love him for it.
Not so long ago, I had reached one of my breaking points. All it took was Kirk asking me if I remembered the laundry that was in the dryer and whether it needed to run another cycle. I lost it. I said all sorts of things that had nothing to do with laundry, and I’m quite certain I was inaudible. He came over to me and held me tight for a few moments while I cried like a baby. I know this sounds so incredibly cliché, but he truly did kiss me and make it all better. He took care of the laundry, cleaned the house and took the kids out to give me some much-needed space for work.
It’s not always like this, but life is messy and things do tend to spiral out of control when we’re not paying close attention to our bodies signaling us for rest. We forget to pace ourselves and take it easy. At least I do. Often.
Happy Father’s Day and Thanks to my Husband Kirk for:
- being a strong support for our family. I lost my job a few years ago and he’s never once pressured me about not being able to find care for Richie so I can work outside the home. Kirk works ten hour days for us and he never complains.
- being an incredible father to Richie and Tiki – and for treating Richie as if he’s one of his own. Hearing him introduce Richie to people as “my son” melts my heart every time.
- being patient and loving to Richie when he has his meltdowns. Kirk knows how to calm Richie down by being firm and clear, but he’s also gentle and patient. It’s both amazing and a privilege to watch him in action. I am truly blessed.
- the millions of times he has said, “Do you think Richie would like trying this?” Kirk brings fun and adventure to Richie’s life and he always reminds me that we must keep trying new things!
- the hugs, kisses, tickles, and playful moments Kirk shares with Richie. Children with disabilities need affection and love in their challenging lives. Kids like Richie have to deal with so many things and they go through these experiences often alone because of their inability to communicate. Dads like Kirk make life a little easier to bear.
On this Father’s Day and every other day, we will love and honor Kirk because he is the king of creating our happy home.
© 2017 Sensory Friends
© 2017 Sensory Friends
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