The holiday season is once again upon us and with it comes thoughts of togetherness, celebrations, and gatherings to look forward to. Thanksgiving festivities are among the first to kick-off traditional gatherings, shopping rituals, and preparing classic meal favorites. However, this time of year may look a little different for special needs families as they experience different types of challenges. Children and adults with disabilities may have sensory issues, socialization or communication challenges, and other issues that make holiday gatherings something they might prefer to avoid. Parents of children and adults with disabilities may experience anxiety, worry, or possibly isolation. Here are some ideas that may help with having a fun and memorable gathering without anxiety or dreading the event happenings.
I have hosted many holiday events at our home, some of the them short and quaint with very few attendees, some of them long and eventful with many attendees. We’ve worked out some pretty good strategies for ensuring our now fifteen-year-old son with autism feels comfortable, included and enjoys the festive gatherings.
We’ve created a working behavior plan that has evolved with Richie as he gets older and experiences new changes. Richie has autism, but he has challenges that many children and teens with different disabilities experience. And while it’s possible that not all of these ideas will work with your child, I’m hopeful it might help spark some ideas for you on how to help your child or teenager cope with his or her sensory struggles and maybe have a little fun.
Create a schedule board or social story about Thanksgiving.
Helping Richie to understand what to expect during the holiday week is very helpful to him and other children who love and need to follow a strict routine and schedule. Since schedules are changing drastically, it’s important to let our kids know what those changes might be and why.
Creating a picture schedule of events or social story will help our kids to understand what is happening and better yet, what to expect. I found a social story on Autism Speaks that might be useful.
Creating a picture schedule of events or social story will help our kids to understand what is happening and better yet, what to expect. I found a social story on Autism Speaks that might be useful.
Create a Conversation Book for easy interacting with others.
A great friend and talented behavior analyst gave us the idea of creating a conversation book for Richie. Kids and adults with disabilities who have communication deficits don’t always have the opportunity to enjoy having a conversation with others. A conversation book gives them the opportunity to share information about themselves with others. We make sure that relatives and friends take turns with Richie using the conversation book to communicate and exchange interests and information about one another.This is Richie’s conversation book.
Richie with his sister Samantha having a conversation!
Be prepared with preventative strategies for challenging behavior.
Our behavior plan has a list of preventative strategies for dealing with challenging behaviors triggered by expected and sometimes unexpected happenings. We know what upsets Richie and we know what might work to help keep him from getting upset. If you're interested in creating a behavior plan for your child, I wrote a 7-piece segment blog on how we developed a positive behavior support plan as a family.
The sound of babies or kids crying, people yelling or arguing, and other loud sounds will most definitely upset Richie. Family gatherings can sometimes be unpredictable and predictable! We are a blended family of Puerto Ricans and Jamaicans, so it’s possible one or all of those very things might happen! Even a loud, fun game of dominoes could potentially cause Richie some discomfort. During times like these, I like to have noise canceling headphones, headphones with his Mp3 and favorite list of songs, or his iPad loaded with his favorite videos and apps.
If things do become too overwhelming for Richie, he knows he can always retreat to our bedroom if all else doesn’t seem to be working for him.
Create a picture list of preferred activities.
Being able to communicate our thoughts, needs and wants is important to us all. So, we also have a picture list of activities we know Richie enjoys doing.
When the family gathering is in full swing and if the family wants to play a game of charades or something that doesn't interest Richie, he can choose to do something off of his list of preferred activities. We'll always try to engage or include Richie in all family fun, but we won't force him to do anything that causes him to be unhappy or uncomfortable.
Tip: Just be sure to remove pictures of activities you won't be able to do that day (you might notice quite a few activities are missing in the picture)! I once made the mistake of giving Richie all his picture choices and Busch Gardens was one of the choices he had to pick. I was able to take him, but we want to make sure all opportunities for communication is available, reliable and valuable (we want our kids to learn the value of communicating their needs).
When the family gathering is in full swing and if the family wants to play a game of charades or something that doesn't interest Richie, he can choose to do something off of his list of preferred activities. We'll always try to engage or include Richie in all family fun, but we won't force him to do anything that causes him to be unhappy or uncomfortable.
Tip: Just be sure to remove pictures of activities you won't be able to do that day (you might notice quite a few activities are missing in the picture)! I once made the mistake of giving Richie all his picture choices and Busch Gardens was one of the choices he had to pick. I was able to take him, but we want to make sure all opportunities for communication is available, reliable and valuable (we want our kids to learn the value of communicating their needs).
Picture list of preferred activities.
Adapt activities to include everyone.
This year I’m placing an index card at each table setting that will ask each dinner guest to:
- Introduce themselves by name
- Mention one thing they are thankful for
- Read the fact about the origins of Thanksgiving (I’ll pre-print this information)
I think this is a great conversation starter that gets us thinking about togetherness, the holiday and its fun! I’ve done this before with previous thanksgiving celebrations and it was a great success.
To include Richie in this activity, I made a picture card for Richie. All he has to do is hold the picture up. I’ll strategically seat his brother or sister next to him to help prompt him if he needs help.
To include Richie in this activity, I made a picture card for Richie. All he has to do is hold the picture up. I’ll strategically seat his brother or sister next to him to help prompt him if he needs help.
Lastly - Pace yourself, take your time and take breaks.
As hosts, guests, or family members, we’re always going to want to please everyone and that’s a beautiful thing. However, especially when hosting - it’s important to take care of ourselves so we don’t freak out, stress out, or burn out! Treat yourself to something that relaxes you. If you’re a dad who’s in charge of hosting dinner preparations this year (I personally know more dads than moms who cook!), be a little selfish and make time to do something fun. Build in time for fishing, catching a movie, indulge in watching football or simply take a nap. For mom’s who plan to hold things down this year, treat yourself to a massage, mani and/or pedicure, do something you love to do. Me? I love to sit down with a cup of coffee and watch a favorite show on Netflix. I have been known to take a nap too!
You work hard on planning, implementing, and executing this wonderful family event, so be sure to build some time in for yourself to take a break.
Enjoy your holiday and each other. Have a Happy Sensory Friendly and Inclusive Thanksgiving!
You work hard on planning, implementing, and executing this wonderful family event, so be sure to build some time in for yourself to take a break.
Enjoy your holiday and each other. Have a Happy Sensory Friendly and Inclusive Thanksgiving!
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