I had the pleasure of sitting next to these two veterans at the dealership where I was getting my car serviced today. They were entertaining as they carried on a conversation about how things were during their time and how sad they view the world today. They recognize that technology is a blessing, but they believe it comes with great cost.
They talked about how in their day, when they outgrew their board games, trucks and other toys (they added that their toys were in no way technologically inspired), they kept their minds going with imagination as they invented new games and toys to play with while outside and getting exercise. They mentioned that they see their grandchildren, who range from ages 4 through 17, and the differences observed in their growth, attitude, manners, respect and learning is profound – and not in a good way. They stated that the children of today are experiencing depression, anxiety, mood disorders, social issues and other learning disabilities that they don’t remember seeing when they were growing up.
The Brain is fully Developed by the Age of 25
It’s true that many disabilities weren’t well identified over thirty years ago, but these gentlemen were not wrong in their observations. During development, the child’s brain is constantly creating new neuro-pathways needed for increasing critical thinking, using their imagination, expanding skill-sets, increasing vocabulary, and improving social interactions.
Today, according to the latest research, the average American child has a smartphone by ten-years-old while in the fourth or fifth grade, but that’s quickly changing. Children in the second grade is quickly becoming the norm for having smartphones, constant access to video games, television, live streamed shows, and other technological devices for hours – sometimes all day long with very limited supervision.
Technology gurus Bill Gates and Steve Jobs had strict rules with regards to their children’s access to digital devices. They didn’t allow their children access to the devices they created or others until they were well into their teens (about fourteen-years-old). If that doesn’t raise a brow for caution, I really don’t know what else could.
Today, according to the latest research, the average American child has a smartphone by ten-years-old while in the fourth or fifth grade, but that’s quickly changing. Children in the second grade is quickly becoming the norm for having smartphones, constant access to video games, television, live streamed shows, and other technological devices for hours – sometimes all day long with very limited supervision.
Technology gurus Bill Gates and Steve Jobs had strict rules with regards to their children’s access to digital devices. They didn’t allow their children access to the devices they created or others until they were well into their teens (about fourteen-years-old). If that doesn’t raise a brow for caution, I really don’t know what else could.
Monitoring and Supervising Screen-time and Online activity is an Important part of Today’s Parenting
Among all things that involve parenting our children, monitoring screen time and supervising their online activity has never been more crucial. Whether your child has a disability or not, child development is affected as they are over stimulated by digital access. I limited my son Richie’s use of his iPad to only outings that may be noisy or difficult for him. Richie is seventeen and has autism. I noticed he was getting obsessed with YouTube videos, was becoming angry, violent, and increasingly frustrated over accessing certain videos and scenes. I also noticed he wasn’t interacting with us or learning new things. It took over a year to get him over his addiction to devices, but we are now to the point where he returns the device to me when time is up without any issue.
As our children develop, it’s important to remember that not all children are able to control their insatiable appetite for playing video games, engaging social media apps (these days most favored social media apps in tweens and teens between ages 10 and 19 are Snapchat, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter).
Of course, as parents we can exercise our own discretion with what is allowed and what isn’t allowed. But if you’re not sure about when the right time for a kid to own a phone might be, here is something to think about:
- Does your child need to be able to call or connect with you?
- Would your child turn his or her phone off or use the “Do Not Disturb” feature while they’re in the classroom?
- Is your child disciplined enough to put the phone down for several hours at a time when not needed?
If the answer to all of these is “no” to any or all of these questions, then your child is not ready to have a phone yet. Good habits develop over time and research is showing that the average child between ages 8 and 18 who has a phone with internet service is watching an average of 7 hours of screen time daily. What does this mean? It means these children are not engaging in enough “face-to-face” time with family, friends, and other social opportunities. They’re not learning how or strengthening their ability to interact, communicate, expand their vocabulary and social skills. It means they’re not exercising their brains for critical thinking, executive function, imagination, research and analyzing, and other important factors for learning. It means they’re brain is growing dependent on visual stimuli and instant gratification. In other words, their brain needs to be spoon fed information and they need everything to happen now.
Signs of Trouble
Research has further shown that the number of children dealing with anxiety, depression, and social isolation has increased over the past decade. There are signs we can pay attention to when our children need to detox from their phones, internet and video games.
- Does he need his phone with him at all times?
- Does he have notifications on for all social media outlets, check his phone frequently (every few minutes – sometimes seconds) and responds to each notification?
- Did she stop doing things she use to enjoy doing?
- Does he prefer to stay in his room for hours at a time with the phone (all day if you allow it)?
- Is she engaging in social media activity during school hours?
- Does he lose his train of thought or forget tasks within seconds of being asked?
- Is the phone the first thing she wants when she gets up (sometimes she’ll get up earlier on school days just to access it)?
- Does he try to bargain keeping the phone at night (“It’s the weekend mom!”)?
- Have mood swings worsened, especially when denied access to devices (heightened tantrums, dramatic scenes, unusual confrontations)?
- Your child only seems happy when they have their device.
Please note that it’s also possible that these signs could be indications of something other than screen addiction. As a parent you should trust your instincts and if needed, see about getting your child some help. However, you know your child best, and if it’s more likely that your child is in serious need of screen detox, then it’s time to make some changes.
How to Establish Healthy and Balanced Routines
If after reviewing these signs you realize it’s time for creating healthy boundaries and establishing better routines, you’re not alone. Many of us have had to break our children free from too much screen time and get back into the land of talking to real people. My son has autism and loves his iPad and phone. However, I saw that he was growing increasingly aggressive and what’s worse is he wasn’t interested in doing much of anything else. He wasn’t learning either.
So how much screen time should we consider giving our kids? I say it’s best to establish a daily routine for the weekday and weekend. Create a schedule your child can follow, rely on and knows what is expected of him. Give your child opportunities to earn additional screen time. It’s important to remember that if you set a schedule, create healthy boundaries and rules, that you follow through with consequences as well. If your child breaks a rule or deviates from the schedule, the consequence should be clear and thorough. The moment you don’t follow through with any punishment or consequence, you lose all credibility and that child was just assured that rules don’t really need to be followed.
Of course, as parents we should trust our instincts and may have an idea for how long our children should have screen time, but here are some ideas that might help with creating a routine.
No access to phones or screen time:
- At the kitchen table or during meals.
- During family gatherings or other visits.
- While studying or doing homework.
- While doing household chores.
- Overnight in their rooms.
- At least one hour before bedtime.
Of course, you can create your routine to include that there be no access to phones during family game night or when your child is engaged in sports or other extracurricular activity.
There's an App for That!
Monitoring our child's online interaction is also so important. There are literally hundreds of apps to choose from depending on the kind of control you feel is important. Google Family Links is a great one for setting rules for your child on their mobile device.
The good news we can always develop new learning habits, create healthier routines, and help improve our children’s development. Please share your ideas for creating a healthier balance for screen time with your child. What ideas do you have that worked well in teaching your child to have a healthy balance of screen time in their daily routines?
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