Introducing Richie
Being a parent to my son Richie changed my life in ways I never would have imagined. Richie is my fourteen-year-old son and second child. Richie is on the severe side of the autism spectrum. He is very handsome, tall, has a gorgeous smile and a contagious laugh. He loves to laugh and he finds it most amusing when we repeat the many sounds he makes. Richie loves to play tag - but he loves being chased, he won’t chase you back! He loves to be tickled and he’s kind of thrill seeker. He loves quite a few roller-coaster rides – Universal Studios is his favorite theme park to visit. My son is my joy in this world, but having a child on the spectrum does come with its challenges.
At this time, Richie has a list of words that he uses appropriately, but his ability to meaningfully communicate with us is very limited. Richie resorts to communicating his needs, desires, and unhappiness with gestures, hand-leading, facial expressions, and physical contact. Often times, aggressive behaviors surface. However, Richie’s behaviors have increased in intensity and frequency. Our concern for Richie’s aggressive behaviors towards others, hurting himself, and damaging property is the reason I decided to write this blog series. I know many other parents are experiencing similar issues with their child.
Our Family Our Home
In our home, there is my husband Kirk, his son Tiki, my son Richie, myself (Christine), my daughter Samantha, and her husband Phil. We each have our own personal connection with Richie.
Kirk speaks in a monster voice close to Richie’s ear and this is guaranteed a hearty laugh! Richie loves the sound of monster voices and lets Kirk know exactly what sounds he wants to hear (he’ll say it first and waits for Kirk to repeat it)!
Kirk speaks in a monster voice close to Richie’s ear and this is guaranteed a hearty laugh! Richie loves the sound of monster voices and lets Kirk know exactly what sounds he wants to hear (he’ll say it first and waits for Kirk to repeat it)!
Richie loves when Tiki chases him around the house, it’s their version of playing tag! They play with pillows and foam swords too! It’s one sided though, because Richie is the only one being chased or hit with the sword or pillow! Richie loves to follow Tiki around because he knows Tiki is going to include him in games and other fun stuff.
Samantha can’t eat anything without Richie sneaking it off her plate! She is the only person who can get Richie to try new foods simply by starting to eat it herself! It’s become a little joke between them. Samantha will fix herself a plate, leave it on the table, and Richie will help himself to it, smiling the whole time! They also love cooking together. Samantha loves to bake and Richie loves to participate. We see the culinary arts in Richie’s future.
Richie absolutely loves Phil. It doesn’t matter what Phil does, Richie enjoys interacting him. They dance to Richie’s favorite songs and sing whatever songs Richie wants to hear.
Like any other parent, my relationship with Richie is multi-faceted. I am his mother, play-buddy, therapist, and teacher. I’ll do whatever it takes to make Richie comfortable, safe, and happy.
We do many things together as a family. We host family gatherings, go to theme parks, picnics, festivals, shows, and we engage in many other activities in the community together. Richie is generally interested in playing with his devices (iPad, iPod Shuffle, DVD Player, etc.). Richie is always with us and while we usually have a wonderful time, there have been times when our trips are cut short. We try to be proactive about avoiding tantrums or severe episodes when we’re out in public. For the most part we have fun, Richie is always with us and that’s the best part.
Signs of Trouble Ahead
There are many reasons for Richie to become upset. When this happens, we're pretty good at guessing what might have been the cause. Here are just a few examples of things we know might upset Richie:
- The sound of a baby crying or shrieking
- The iPad not playing a movie scene at the precise moment he wants it to
- Inability to find a YouTube video
- Large, loud crowds of people
- Being made to do something he doesn’t want to do
But, there were also many times we couldn’t figure out what triggered his anger. Sometimes, Richie would let us know he was agitated by lightly squeezing your wrist or arm. This became known to us as the “warning pinch.” We also knew that when Richie started to shriek in a high pitch voice or started crying, not long after that we would see him either hit or pinch someone, bite himself, or hit head against the wall.
When Richie did reach his blowing point, we needed to act quickly and try to deal with it as quickly and safely as possible. This article is very helpful with dealing with crisis situations: “When Things Get Out of Control: Managing Escalating Behavior.” Richie has been aggressive with people we don’t know in public. He hit a child at school and most recently, he pinched a child at a Monster Truck event, because he didn’t want to leave the arena.
At home, Richie mainly targets me (but all family members have been pinched or hit). When he did become aggressive, he would pinch and scratch my arms, head-but or kick me. Richie will typically scratch and pinch my arms. He's quick and he knows exactly where to pinch as well (usually the fatty part under your arm). In this picture shown, he was angry enough to pinch and scratch my forearm.
Other times, he would either engage in self-injurious behavior that consisted of banging his head against the wall or biting his arm. Most recently, he was treated by nurses at his school for banging his head on a pole at the school playground.
When Richie did either of these things, we needed to take control of the situation quickly to keep him from hurting himself or others. We would block him from hitting us and make him stay in his room until he calmed down. One thing was for sure, no matter what challenging behavior Richie exhibited, there was a reason for it. It's important to remember that children who exhibit these types of behaviors are not bad kids. I want to make it clear that children like Richie are limited with their ability to express pain, needs and dislikes. Imagine living your entire life without ever being able to talk. Some readers might feel that "this child just needs a good old-fashioned spanking." Believe me, I know that when you look at these pictures, you might be drawn to thinking this way - especially if you don't parent a child with a disability. Those methods are not effective. Children and adults like Richie require patience, love and positive intervention.
I knew that once Richie started to use these behaviors as his only source of communicating with us and others that we needed to do something. Once I decided to begin this journey and blog series, I knew I would need advice and guidance from a colleague and friend with expertise in PBS. We needed to help Richie to communicate his needs and wants to us more appropriately. We also wanted him to learn how to let us know when he wanted to interact with us. We needed to replace his challenging behaviors with appropriate ones, and we needed to teach Richie new life skills. There was only one way we were going to do all of these things - we needed to develop a positive behavior support plan.
Please stay tuned for our next blog:
Part 2: What is PBS and Who Needs to be Involved?
Please stay tuned for our next blog:
Part 2: What is PBS and Who Needs to be Involved?
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