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My Journey to Improving My Son's Challenging Behavior with Positive Behavior Support: Part 1 - Our Relationship with Richie

3/24/2016

15 Comments

 
Using Positive Behavior Support at Home

Introducing Richie

​Being a parent to my son Richie changed my life in ways I never would have imagined.  Richie is my fourteen-year-old son and second child.   Richie is on the severe side of the autism spectrum.  He is very handsome, tall, has a gorgeous smile and a contagious laugh.  He loves to laugh and he finds it most amusing when we repeat the many sounds he makes.  Richie loves to play tag - but he loves being chased, he won’t chase you back! He loves to be tickled and he’s kind of thrill seeker.  He loves quite a few roller-coaster rides – Universal Studios is his favorite theme park to visit. My son is my joy in this world, but having a child on the spectrum does come with its challenges.
At this time, Richie has a list of words that he uses appropriately, but his ability to meaningfully communicate with us is very limited. Richie resorts to communicating his needs, desires, and unhappiness with gestures, hand-leading, facial expressions, and physical contact. Often times, aggressive behaviors surface.  However, Richie’s behaviors have increased in intensity and frequency. Our concern for Richie’s aggressive behaviors towards others, hurting himself, and damaging property is the reason I decided to write this blog series. I know many other parents are experiencing similar issues with their child. 

Our Family Our Home

​In our home, there is my husband Kirk, his son Tiki, my son Richie, myself (Christine), my daughter Samantha, and her husband Phil.  We each have our own personal connection with Richie. 
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​Kirk speaks in a monster voice close to Richie’s ear and this is guaranteed a hearty laugh! Richie loves the sound of monster voices and lets Kirk know exactly what sounds he wants to hear (he’ll say it first and waits for Kirk to repeat it)! 

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​Richie loves when Tiki chases him around the house, it’s their version of playing tag! They play with pillows and foam swords too!  It’s one sided though, because Richie is the only one being chased or hit with the sword or pillow! Richie loves to follow Tiki around because he knows Tiki is going to include him in games and other fun stuff. 

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Samantha can’t eat anything without Richie sneaking it off her plate! She is the only person who can get Richie to try new foods simply by starting to eat it herself!  It’s become a little joke between them.  Samantha will fix herself a plate, leave it on the table, and Richie will help himself to it, smiling the whole time! They also love cooking together. Samantha loves to bake and Richie loves to participate. We see the culinary arts in Richie’s future. 

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​Richie absolutely loves Phil.  It doesn’t matter what Phil does, Richie enjoys interacting him. They dance to Richie’s favorite songs and sing whatever songs Richie wants to hear. 

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Like any other parent, my relationship with Richie is multi-faceted.  I am his mother, play-buddy, therapist, and teacher. I’ll do whatever it takes to make Richie comfortable, safe, and happy. 

We do many things together as a family. We host family gatherings, go to theme parks, picnics, festivals, shows, and we engage in many other activities in the community together.  Richie is generally interested in playing with his devices (iPad, iPod Shuffle, DVD Player, etc.).  Richie is always with us and while we usually have a wonderful time, there have been times when our trips are cut short.  We try to be proactive about avoiding tantrums or severe episodes when we’re out in public.  For the most part we have fun, Richie is always with us and that’s the best part.

Signs of Trouble Ahead

There are many reasons for Richie to become upset.  When this happens, we're pretty good at guessing what might have been the cause.  Here are just a few examples of things we know might upset Richie:
  • The sound of a baby crying or shrieking
  • The iPad not playing a movie scene at the precise moment he wants it to
  • Inability to find a YouTube video
  • Large, loud crowds of people
  • Being made to do something he doesn’t want to do
But, there were also many times we couldn’t figure out what triggered his anger.  Sometimes, Richie would let us know he was agitated by lightly squeezing your wrist or arm.  This became known to us as the “warning pinch.”  We also knew that when Richie started to shriek in a high pitch voice or started crying, not long after that we would see him either hit or pinch someone, bite himself, or hit head against the wall.  
When Richie did reach his blowing point, we needed to act quickly and try to deal with it as quickly and safely as possible. This article is very helpful with dealing with crisis situations: “When Things Get Out of Control: Managing Escalating Behavior.” Richie has been aggressive with people we don’t know in public.  He hit a child at school and most recently, he pinched a child at a Monster Truck event, because he didn’t want to leave the arena.  
Picture
At home, Richie mainly targets me (but all family members have been pinched or hit). When he did become aggressive, he would pinch and scratch my arms, head-but or kick me.  Richie will typically scratch and pinch my arms.  He's quick and he knows exactly where to pinch as well (usually the fatty part under your arm). In this picture shown, he was angry enough to pinch and scratch my forearm.

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Other times, he would either engage in self-injurious behavior that consisted of banging his head against the wall or biting his arm.  Most recently, he was treated by nurses at his school for banging his head on a pole at the school playground.  

​When Richie did either of these things, we needed to take control of the situation quickly to keep him from hurting himself or others.  We would block him from hitting us and make him stay in his room until he calmed down.  One thing was for sure, no matter what challenging behavior Richie exhibited, there was a reason for it.  It's important to remember that children who exhibit these types of behaviors are not bad kids. I want to make it clear that children like Richie are limited with their ability to express pain, needs and dislikes.  Imagine living your entire life without ever being able to talk.  Some readers might feel that "this child just needs a good old-fashioned spanking."  Believe me, I know that when you look at these pictures, you might be drawn to thinking this way - especially if you don't parent a child with a disability. Those methods are not effective. Children and adults like Richie require patience, love and positive intervention.
I knew that once Richie started to use these behaviors as his only source of communicating with us and others that we needed to do something.  Once I decided to begin this journey and blog series, I knew I would need advice and guidance from a colleague and friend with expertise in PBS.  We needed to help Richie to communicate his needs and wants to us more appropriately. We also wanted him to learn how to let us know when he wanted to interact with us. We needed to replace his challenging behaviors with appropriate ones, and we needed to teach Richie new life skills.  There was only one way we were going to do all of these things - we needed to develop a positive behavior support plan.  

Please stay tuned for our next blog:
Part 2: What is PBS and Who Needs to be Involved?
​

Sincerely, Christine SensoryFriends

15 Comments
Roxana Bruiget
3/29/2016 09:45:42 am

Excellent Christine, congratulations for share your own experiences with your handsome Richie, estoy segura que será de mucha ayuda a otras familias. Many blessings

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/29/2016 01:22:16 pm

Thank you for your kind comment, my dear friend. It's my hope that other parents will find this information useful and helpful as well.

Reply
Wanda Lopez link
3/29/2016 06:29:25 pm

Christine, thank you for opening your heart and the privacy of your home to us all. I pray that you (and your family) find all the help you need with your lovely son. I am sure Richie will find a way to express his feelings in a more safe and friendly way. Stay strong. Sending hugs your way.

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/29/2016 08:46:48 pm

Thank you Wanda. Challenging behaviors are more common than people think. And the methods used in the positive behavior support process can be used on any child or adult with challenging behaviors - with or without disabilities. Thank you for you heartfelt wishes.

Reply
Diana Rodriguez link
3/29/2016 08:38:39 pm

Definitivamente el apoyo de la familia hacia tu hijo es lo mas importante, precisamente este mes un grupo de blogueras nos unimos para crear concientizacion sobre el autismo. Que Dios les siga bendiciendo.

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/29/2016 08:49:55 pm

Gracias, Diana. Me gustaría participar en la iniciativa para la conciencia del autismo - por favor avisar me! :)

Reply
Paula Bendfeldt link
3/29/2016 08:59:28 pm

Christine these thanks for sharing with us what you have learned through this process. I have a daughter on the spectrum and she has tantrums and definitely the most important advice is know what triggers these behaviors so that we can act before she starts with the behavior and also have a plan in place for when it happens. I know that sharing your experience will help other parents that are going through this. Thank you!

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/29/2016 09:35:30 pm

Thank you for your supporting words, Paula. There are many parents dealing with all sorts of behaviors, and some have a lot of difficulty dealing with them. It's hard to be patient and objective when you're angry. I too, hope many others benefit from this series.

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Maybelline link
3/29/2016 09:47:23 pm

I am in awe at the level of knowledge and understanding you have about your son's triggers... Moms knows best! Thank you for sharing your experience, I think It helps other understand a little better what they are going through and also, it helps other people understand and to never judge

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/29/2016 11:00:53 pm

Thank you, Maybelline. I attribute my learning about my son's behavioral triggers and how to handle them to the experts who worked with me, and the rest of the PBS team. It is a learning process, and it takes patience and time.

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Chel link
3/30/2016 12:28:47 pm

This was a beautiful post showcasing not only the wonderful side of Richie that you know, but also to raise the awareness of the other side of working with a child on the spectrum.

My cousin too has been talking about her task with working with her son as he grows older and goes through a lot of struggles while on the spectrum.

I wish you well in seeking all the knowledge to help Richie lead a rich and successful life. (He is very handsome indeed.)

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/31/2016 02:24:45 pm

Thank you for your kind post, Chel! Please note that the Positive Behavior Support process will assist parents who are dealing with various behaviors (not just aggressive ones). Please feel free to pass along this info to others who might need it.

Reply
S.YISSELE link
3/30/2016 05:27:04 pm

Me encanta leerte porque nos cuentas tus experiencias con tu hijo, tan guapo, realmente es muy inspirador para mi y seguro que para muchas madres y familias que pueden aprender mucho! Saludos!

Reply
Anita Desabhatla link
3/31/2016 12:26:04 pm

That was so touching! Thank you so much to open your personal life to us all. Bless you and the beautiful kids! I tutor a special needs kid and so, understand them better.

Reply
Christine Goulbourne link
3/31/2016 02:20:54 pm

Thank you for visiting, Anita. Working with children with special needs requires patience and understanding. Thank you for your kind words and wishes!

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    christine@sensoryfriends.com 

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