My Brother's Keeper

Siblings share a bond unlike any other. No other relationship will ever have the same dynamics of shared family ties, commitment, and history.  Siblings of individuals with disabilities have twice as many stronger ties to one another as they do challenges. I have had the privilege of watching the strong ties of love blossom between the love of a blood and step-sibling.

   Samantha was going on twelve-years old the year her brother Richie was born.  At first, I remember having concerns of sibling jealousy, since Samantha was an only child until then.  But, thankfully, that would never be the case.  Samantha was like a little mama to her newborn brother. She absolutely adored him and welcomed him with love.  When Richie was diagnosed at two years old with autism, she became his protector, and years later, she would go on to become one of his greatest advocates.  Samantha was, and continues to be, one of few people who understands Richie’s language, needs, desires, and dislikes. I was so relieved and grateful that her love for Richie is as natural as it is unconditional. I need to be able to rely on that love and devotion in the future.

​However, I had no idea that this type of love would come in another form.

When I found new love with Kirk, his son Tiki was just three years old, Richie was six. Our blended family faced many challenges and bumps in the road (adapting to a new life with an autistic child takes some getting use to), but we overcame them.  

At first, it was hard for Tiki to understand the noises, behaviors, and aggressive acts that Richie would periodically exhibit.  Having never been exposed to anyone with a disability, Tiki was confused by many of Richie’s behaviors (flapping of his hands, rocking back and forth, constant moaning, or other self-stimulatory behaviors).  

​From the moment we started talking to Tiki about Richie having autism, he had many questions.  Many of our discussions sounded a little something like this:
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Tiki:       “Why does Richie have autism?”

Me:       “No one really knows for sure why anyone has autism. Doctors and scientists are still learning about what causes it. We all hope to learn how and why anyone has autism soon.”

Tiki:       “Will Richie ever learn to talk?

Me:       “There’s no reason for us to believe he can’t learn to talk.  Richie learns to say new words all the time. We can all help him learn by reminding him of how and when to say some words.”

Tiki:       “I’m going to help Richie learn to talk, Christina.  I can help Richie learn to do a lot of things.”

Me:       “Richie is very lucky to have a brother like you.”

Tiki:       “I know Richie is older and bigger than me, but I think I am his big brother. I’m going to take care of him.”

Me:       “The world could use more people like you, Tiki.”

Over the years, there were many moments that neither Tiki nor Samantha knew I was watching, but I could see the beauty of their love for Richie in clear view.  

With Samantha, it’s the hundred different ways she tells her brother how much she loves him every day.  We’re a very affectionate family, so hugs and kisses are part of our daily routine (I know it’s not always welcome by kids with autism, but Richie has learned to appreciate them). Samantha is Richie’s protector, so she is always on Richie patrol.

When Samantha lived with us, she would check on him at night, and if he kicks the sheets off, she’ll lovingly cover him up before she kisses him and then says, “I love you, Monkey. Good night” (Monkey is her pet name for Richie since he was born).   My heart would just melt every time I heard her on the monitor. Samantha could never say "no" to Richie. If he wanted to eat what was on her plate - she would give it to him, even if she were hungry and it was her favorite dish. If she walked into the house with a drink or treat she just bought and he asked for it, it was his - no questions asked. 

Samantha is a sister who expressed her unconditional love for Richie in ways that was undeniable, unmistakable, and dazzled my heart as a mother.  

When it comes to Tiki, he’s my informant. He would let me know when Richie’s awake, if he’s in the bathroom, or if Richie’s crying.  But, with Tiki, it’s the isolated incidents in which I got to see the advocate in him spring into action. Richie and I had just pulled into our drive-way, as several of the neighborhood kids followed Tiki on their scooters, rip stick, and bikes up to the car to greet us.  I opened the door for Richie, he was making his usual noises as he was coming out the car, and one of the boys asked Tiki,

“Who is that – what’s wrong with him?”

Without missing a beat, Tiki replied, “That’s my awesome brother, and there’s NOTHING wrong with him.”  

I was so moved, that it goes without saying both my boys had ice-cream and chocolate bars that night!

These are truly just small examples of the hundreds of things Samantha and Tiki do to illustrate their love and care for Richie. It would take forever and a day for me to capture every kiss, hug, and act of kindness by Samantha and Tiki in this post. As well as the hundreds of times either of them said, “It’s okay, he didn’t pinch me that hard.”  Witnessing their love for Richie is a privilege that well exceeds my expectations for simple kindness and understanding.  

The greatest gift of all is that there are no disparities in treatment, no one would never know these three leaves didn't grow off of the same vine.

Whether bound by love or marriage, these magnanimous children have learned how to love selflessly, benevolently, and unquestionably, and it has made all the difference.

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