Celebrating Thanksgiving as a Special Needs Family

All family gatherings are special. The fall season is upon us and brings with it the Thanksgiving holiday. Families come together to celebrate and be thankful for having one another in each other’s lives. Special needs families prepare to celebrate the season’s festivities.  Although our experience is a little different, we are grateful for many things. 

Like many special needs moms, I experience the same anxiety and worries that comes with all the unknown outcomes that follow deviating from our family routine.  My son Richie has autism. Since Richie has difficulty communicating his needs, I worry all the time about how he feels.

What will Richie’s mood be like when he wakes up Thanksgiving morning?

Will he have a tummy ache or other pain I won’t know about?

Will we be able to leave the house without having an episode?

Will he be able to tolerate the different noises in another home?

How will he deal with a crowded home and all the other stimuli?

Will someone bring a screaming baby to the gathering (this noise always sets him off)? 

How many times will I need to excuse myself to calm him down?

Will Richie have an aggressive episode that frightens relatives and other visitors?  

Will I be able to handle the stares of unsuspecting new friends made?

Will I be able to hold it together (because sometimes I can’t hold it in and just break down –
it’s always so wonderful never to know when this will happen)?

​Will we need to leave early? 

These are not questions special needs parents ask themselves just on holidays or special occasions, it’s every time we leave the house. And it’s stressful, overwhelming and exhausting. While our family may have implemented a successful positive behavior support plan, it does not mean we always know exactly what’s going to take place in another person’s home. There will be moments we didn’t expect, and there will be things we didn’t plan on. However, there are some steps we can take to do our best to avoid some instances.

• Review my positive behavior support or crisis plan – I already listed all the things I know could possibly upset Richie.  I can review my plan for the preventative strategies I already have in place and still use them in another person’s home. 

• Review the day happenings with Pictures – When we leave the house to do something different, I like to explain to Richie where we are going, how long we will be and what he should expect. This year, I will be using pictures to help explain that we are staying in a hotel, visiting with family, and spending time with them at our aunt’s home. 

• Pain killers and Preventative medicine – I know it’s possible for Richie to struggle with constipation and gut issues.  I can plan to deal with this by increasing his intake of probiotics or use a little more fiber in his food (Benefiber works great for him) the week prior, instead of dealing with it the day of our gathering. I can also make sure to have Tylenol or other pain killers (so long as it doesn’t interfere with any other medications) on hand if he shows signs of pain that day. 

• Noise and Sensory Issues – I have recently started to use sound banks for working on getting Richie de-sensitized to certain noises that irritate him – but might be unavoidable when we’re in public (sirens, people yelling, baby screaming, etc.). I also like to bring some beanie bags he has in his room, because Richie likes to squeeze them and swing them around. They comfort him, so I carry one around if I think it might help soothe him. 

• Too much stimuli or boredom – If there is a crowd and the room becomes too overwhelming for Richie, I will always have his MP3 player already equipped with his favorite music and headphones on hand. Music always soothes him and he loves it. I also make sure to have his iPad ready with is favorite apps to play and movies to watch. 

Like many moms and dads, I prepare as best as I can and I know that there’s always a chance I might have to cut my visit short. I hope I don’t, but I always know it’s possible.
All in all, I am so thankful for the many blessings I have in my life. 

I am thankful for my wonderful husband who is always loving, supportive and has my side. I am so lucky that he loves Richie and treats him as his own. 

I am thankful for my daughter, son-n-law, and step-son who love and adore Richie unconditionally and would do anything for him. It is not easy for them, and I am so thankful that I get to witness them exercise their love, advocacy and patience for him every day. 

I am thankful for Richie’s teachers, therapists and nurses for their hard work, extra care and dedication in making sure he has the best learning experience.

I am thankful for my best friend, who patiently listens to my struggle and pain. No matter how tense the situation, she still finds ways to make me laugh and help me keep my mind right. 

I am thankful for the kind neighbors and friends I’ve met over the years. They keep me laughing and have welcomed my son and family into their homes and lives. 

I am thankful for my family, both by blood and inherited by marriage. My son is always treated as an equal and not less. 

I am thankful for the many colleagues I have the privilege of working with on committees and projects. They became friends and instrumental in helping me learn about how to help Richie and others. 

I am thankful for my loyal readers, and for you reading this post right now!

I am thankful for the strength I find when I want to cry, crawl into my bed and just give up. 

I am thankful that Richie and the rest of our family is relatively healthy and in good spirits. 

I am thankful for Richie and his wonderful smile. He is the reason I write this blog, advocate for families and help others. He is the joy in my heart. He is all my reasons. 

Reversible Thanksgiving Christmas Wood Block

 

I hope that during the Thanksgiving festivities, whether things have gone smoothly, or you're surviving another melt-down, that you find a tender moment to be thankful for the blessings you have in your life. I wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving.

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